Serious post is serious

This is my third attempt to get my writing career going. Starting with a blog seems weird, but it worked for that Julie/Julia chick (to some extent). I would settle for a sweet movie deal, although I would rather be played by Alyson Hannigan (I have been told we look alike). So, here's what's happening.
I got married (a year ago today, actually). Been trying to finish my degree and just make ends meet, with some difficulty. However, I have been keeping up with some horror movie things, and will include some of my reviews over the next few weeks. But first up is my favorite.
Cabin in the Woods is, by far, one of the best horror movies I have seen in the history of ever. It's so meta, and has caused me to look at every horror movie I have ever seen in a different light. It's the kind of movie that you didn't realize was missing from the genre until it arrives. Great performances, and a great twist ending! This movie will never not be on my iPod.

So, it's been awhile......

Alright, so I kinda let this whole blog thing fall by the wayside. But now that I'm an unemployed evening student, I can write the great blog again. So first off, I have to make a huge recommendation for anyone who is a true horror fan, but also has a sense of humor. If you haven't seen 'Chillerama' you need to do so. If you have Netflix, it's a watch instantly. It's 3 films within a film. The idea is this: It's the last night at the local drive-in theater, and the owner has some rare film prints that he wants to show as his last hurrah. I will warn you, if you are easily offended, don't bother. It's seriously one of the funniest, and at times offensive, movies I've seen in years.
I hope to post things at least once a week from now on. Once I have a list of topics to run with, I will be back.

Why is his head so dumb?

While there are horror films out there that are clever and have deep metaphoric statements, most of them are just fun bits of hacky slashing and gore, with a little sex sprinkled on top. And obviously the characters in these films aren't the sharpest tools in the shed (ironic, since that's what's usually used to kill them), or they wouldn't be in some of these daft situations. I've mentioned "Pet Semetary" before, and Louis Creed's terrible decision making skills. Having had terrible results with his daughter's cat, he decides to bury his dead toddler in the magic Indian burial grounds. Seriously? It didn't work the first time, why would you think it would work this time?! And than, when Gage comes back to life and kills his mom and their neighbor, Louis buries his wife in the same place! What, did he think "third times a charm"? And while I'm on it, why did Fred Gwynne tell him about it in the first place? He knew it was evil, and he not only told Louis about it, but showed him where it was and encouraged him to use it! "Hey, there's this evil thing that you've never heard of, and you should never go there! Hey, let's take a walk! I'll show you where it is and tell you how to use it! Bring that dead cat!"
Also, if you live right next to a major highway, and you have small children, build a damn fence!

Stephen King

This weekend was Crazy about Stephen King weekend on AMC. I was a little puzzled at the films AMC decided to include in their lineup for what could have been a promising weekend. I don't know about you, but when I think of King, it conjures up images of Sissy Spacek covered in blood, or Tim Curry clowning around as Pennywise. But there was no 'Carrie' to be had this weekend, no evil clown tempting children into the sewers with promises of floating balloons. AMC went with the crap, for the most part. 'Graveyard Shift'? Really, AMC? Of all the movies you could have picked, why did you pick one that most people have probably never even heard of? And it's not like this is a diamond in the rough film. It's terrible. "Oh, giant rat creature is eating folks for no reason. Where did it come from? Fuck you, that's where!"
Than there's 'Cujo'. I'm sure when it was made is was terrifying. But I live in a world of smartphones and 4G networks. In the world I live in, if my car breaks down and there's a rabid dog outside trying to get in, one quick call gets me a cop and a tow truck. Even if I'm in a bad service area, I could still make a call to 911. Than there's 'The Shining'. I'm sorry if you like this movie, but I just can't concentrate on what's going on. I'm too busy marveling at how someone as unattractive as Shelly Duvall got an acting career in the first place, let alone ended up in a Kubrick film alongside Jack Nicholson and Scatman Crothers.
'Sleepwalkers' is one of the 2 films they showed that wasn't terrible. It's funny, has a great cast, and an interesting take on the whole vampirism story. There are a ton of cameos in this movie. Stephen King has a cameo in all his movies, but in this one we get horror greats like John Landis, Tobe Hooper, Clive Barker, and Joe Dante! If you don't know who they are, I'm sad for you.
'Pet Semetary' is a film that has always made me cringe. To this day, I can't stand with my back to a bed. I'm terrified of the whole 'Achilles tendon slicing' thing. When Eli Roth did it in 'Hostel', I made myself watch that scene once, and haven't watched it since. That scene comes up, my cowardly ass is hitting the skip to next scene button on my remote. The other reason this movie makes me cringe is the horrible decisions made by the main character. But that's a topic for another post.

Alien invasions

Some alien films straddle the line between horror and scifi. While not all great, they all usually have a unifying characteristic: Aliens don't like humans, and are gonna wipe us out in a horrible way. One movie that fits this mold that I saw for the first time recently was 'Alien'. Between the chestbursters and the facehuggers, I was always too terrified to watch that movie. But the motivation of the alien beings in that film makes sense. Same thing with 'Maximum Overdrive'. Stephen King directed this 1986 film about a group of survivors holed up in a truck stop. All the worlds machines from the smallest (a tape player) to the largest (a suspension bridge) have minds of their own and are killing people. While not confirmed, it is the theory of Billy (played by Emilio Estevez) that an alien race is using our technology against us to exterminate us, because they want our planet for their own. This makes total sense to me. They kinda did that in 'Independence Day' too. However, there are some alien invasions that make no sense whatsoever.
Take James Gunn's 2006 gore-fest 'Slither'. I rented this movie purely because Nathan "Captain Tightpants" Fillion and the gorgeous Elizabeth Banks were in it. It's honestly not a bad movie. It's really funny, and you're into gore it's totally your bag. The thing I have a problem with is the alien's cycle of destruction. Basically, it goes from planet to planet. Some it impregnates, some it infects, and the rest it eats, until the planet is dead. Than it moves on. Why? We never find out why. It just does. And it's been doing this for over a million years. This creatures sole purpose is to destroy planets through gluttony and osmosis. Seems like kind of a dick move.
The other alien invasion story line that makes no sense is 'Signs'. Granted this is an M. Night film, and should be taken with a bag of salt. But if I was gonna try and conquer an alien planet, I'd do a little research on it first. The aliens in this film are basically allergic to water. The human body is made of 55-78% water, depending on your size. Water covers over 70% of Earth's surface. It's in our atmosphere and it occasionally falls from the sky in various forms. How the hell did these aliens miss something like that? Our planet is basically worthless to them! It would be like if I tried to take over a planet made of fire. Even if I succeeded, I wouldn't be able to do anything with it. Way to think things through, aliens?!

My possibly pretentious first blog

To be perfectly honest, I never really got the appeal of blogs. To me, it seemed like keeping a diary that anyone could open and read. And, having kept several diaries and journals in my life, the things I wrote in them weren't anything I wanted anyone to read...ever. Seriously, I can be a total bitch when I think no one's listening. But the idea of putting my thoughts, when it comes to films, out into the world seems to be a good idea. Actually, it was suggested to me. By several people who were probably tired of hearing me ramble on about this stuff. So here it is, my blog about movies. Specifically horror movies. But before I begin, there are a few things I need to admit.
First of all, I never used to watch horror movies. I remember being four years old and watching 'Ghostbusters', and the scene where Peck shuts off the containment unit, and all the ghosts escape scared the crap outta me. Don't judge, I was four. When my sister and I were kids, we'd watch 'Are you afraid of the dark?' (I totally was), and she would insist on turning off all the lights in the house while we watched it.   The scariest movies I watched growing up were 'Tremors' and 'The Witches'. So how did I go from chicken shit to self-proclaimed scream queen and horror afficionado? The credit for that goes almost entirely to my high school best friend, Karen Lupe. She adored horror movies, and forced me to expand my cinematic palette. I have devoured film after film ever since, watching things that made me laugh, cringe with fear and disgust, and pull my feet off the floor, lest there be monsters under the couch. I know, I'm a little dramatic.
The second thing I need to admit is that I have a very open mind. I believe that anything is possible until absolutely proven otherwise. I have learned, though my time studying the horror genre, that it never does you any good to be skeptical. If you're totally, 100% convinced that something isn't real, guess what? It's right behind you, and is about to kill you.
Made you look!